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I read this book as research for an upcoming session Im presenting specifically to girls at a youth conference about sex. As much as I would like to say I liked this book, I just can not. I feel like there are a lot of books out there for boys about sex and faith, but few for girls. Sigh.While I agree with the premises of the book of waiting until you are married to have sex, I just could not handle the style of writing. I really feel like DiMarco paints a very bad picture of boys. Its super black and white and there is no room for grey. If I read this as a teenage girl I think I would come out with some pretty warped views of boys. She kind of paints them to be automatons driven by their hormones only and having no control whatsoever. For example re: black and white thinking: that tickling is a sexual behaviour for boys, always. So, a dad tickling his kid is sexual? Or to confine it to teenage boys (whose hormones are rather raging in comparison to an older fathers)...is a teenage boy having a tickle fight with a younger sibling sexual? No. Come on. A lot of touch/things can become sexual but are not innately sexual. And touch can be more sexually charged amongst teenagers (boys AND girls) whose hormones are really spiking. But I know adult women who do not go to male massage therapists, physios, or even doctors and I think its because they have this fear that any physical touch might be making that professional think sexual thoughts about them. Sure boys are more visual, sure they think about sex more than girls, but they still can have some sort of control.I also dont like that she talks about playing hard to get. Boys like it when youre hard to get. Again, sure boys like pursuing girls, but why would we teach our girls to play games surrounding sex. I think its an unfortunate choice of words she uses and it sends mixed messages. And I think its manipulative. At one point she even says that girls used to be able to use marriage as a bargaining chip to get boys to marry you. We only have sex if you marry me. How is that a healthy view of marriage? I dont like that she talks about sex or with holding sex as a way to keep your power/control. Relationships should never be about power and control. I. just. cant. even.The longer I read the more frustrated I got. The chapter on porn is about romance movies being porn for girls because we want the romance story and the romance story is what drives us to have impure thoughts about guys. Sure, thats more how girls are driven compared to boys, but it completely doesnt even touch on girls and actual porn. Now, I realize this book was published in 2006, so things have changed as porn has become more and more available/accessible online ... but there are a lot more girls who are dealing with porn addictions now and to not even talk about it in a book about sexual purity seems wrong. I also dont like that she says boys only watch romantic comedies to get sex from the girl they are watching with...that they dont enjoy romance at all. Again, sure maybe most guys are not all into chick flicks as DiMarco calls them, but my husband likes a good romcom every once in a while. He even has go to favourites that he likes to watch. And us watching them together does not mean were having sex later. Sometimes its nice to watch a boy meets girl story.I also cannot handle that she used the Soup Nazi to say No grace for you! Who are you to tell us Gods grace has limits? While I understand she is trying to put a cultural reference in when speaking about repentance (i.e. you really should not go on sinning purposefully because you know God will forgive you anyway)...its just unfortunate the way that info is presented. I do not get to say that God would with hold grace from someone. That is not my job. I do get to say that the Bible and God ask us to turn from our sins and change our behaviour instead of the lip service of confession and continuation in sin. AND I do not see God as the soup nazi. Thats a terrible view of God and makes him into a joke. God is not a joke. Grace is not a joke. Repentance is not joke. And lastly, towards the end, after she has pretty much vilified boys, she says, the perfect guy is out there for you. Black and white. NO guy is perfect. We need to stop setting women up to fail in marriage because things dont turn out perfect. Perfect is not reality. Messy is reality. And that is okay. In our messiness, we learn more about our need for God, how to love others better, how to be empathetic and compassionate, and how to avoid self-righteousness by remaining humble. Perfect romance is not achievable and thats the message she sent at the end. Sorry that this is a rant. Its more because Im disappointed at how few books are out there for girls specifically when it comes to sex...at least ones that feel more real and honest and gracious.

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نوشته شده در : دوشنبه 15 خرداد 1396  توسط : Lorraine Valdez.    نظرات() .

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